Deborah Beck Busis, LCSW, Director, Cognitive Behavioral Wellness Coaching Program
Approach vs. avoidance goals describe two different ways of setting goals—and research shows that approach-oriented goals are more effective for long-term behavior change. Instead of focusing on what you want to stop doing, approach-oriented goals help you build new habits by focusing on what you want to start or increase.
Why Are Approach-Oriented Goals More Effective?
In a large randomized controlled trial conducted by Martin Oscarsson, Per Carlbring and colleagues, more than 1,000 people were randomly assigned different types of New Year’s resolutions and tracked for a full year. The findings were clear: people with approach-oriented goals were 26% more successful than those with avoidance goals.
The problem is that most people naturally frame their goals around what they want to avoid, like “I have to quit snacking at night,” or “I need to be on social media less.” According to this study, “Exercise three times a week” outperformed “Stop eating junk,” and “Read 20 minutes a night” did better than “Reduce screen time.” This is because avoidance goals require constant vigilance and willpower. Approach goals, by contrast, help people start moving forward and build momentum, and in time can even help them create new identities.
How Can You Turn Avoidance Goals Into Approach Goals?
In my wellness coaching work, this shift from avoidance to approach is a powerful change we help people make. When a client says something like, “I need to stop emotional eating,” “I have to stop eating junk food,” or “I need to spend less time on my phone,” I help them reframe these avoidance goals as approach-oriented goals.
“I need to stop emotional eating,” can become, “When I feel negative emotions, I will practice one non-eating coping mechanism like going for a walk, texting a friend, or listening to music,” or “I will pause for two minutes and name what I’m feeling before I eat when I’m stressed,” or “I will create a short ‘stress plan’ and use it once a day.”
“I have to stop eating junk food,” becomes “I will plan and prep three reasonably healthy meals a day,” or “I will make sure that each of my lunches and dinners contain protein and vegetables,” or “At least one of my snacks will include a fruit or vegetable each day.”
“I have to stop eating junk food,” becomes “I will plan and prep three reasonably healthy meals a day,” or “I will make sure that each of my lunches and dinners contain protein and vegetables,” or “At least one of my snacks will include a fruit or vegetable each day.”
“I need to spend less time on my phone,” turns into, “I will read for 20 minutes before bed each night,” or “I will charge my phone outside the bedroom and use an alarm clock,” or “I will spend 30 minutes each evening playing with my kids device-free.”
This works because it’s not about restriction; it’s about building a new habit. Asking your brain to constantly work on not doing something can create pressure and shame if you fall short. Approach-oriented goals give you the opportunity to work on concrete actions that help you move forward. And when you follow through with an approach goal, like going to the gym three times a week, instead of trying to “avoid gaining weight” or “avoid losing muscle,” you can start to see yourself as someone who exercises regularly. In doing so, this becomes part of your identity, which makes it easier to continue doing it over time and is a much more powerful and durable motivator.
Building New Habits with Approach-Oriented Goals
My client, Amy, came to me because she wanted to “stop nighttime snacking,” but after years of not being able to do it, she had a strong sense of hopeless and helplessness about actually being able to make that change. Amy and I figured out that going from snacking each night to no snacking was too big of a change, so we used the “systemize before you optimize” strategy and set the approach-oriented goal of having two planned healthy snacks per night.
We also set the goal of having planned activities and distractions to employ when she got the urge to snack outside of her two planned times. With these snack and distraction goals, Amy was able to prove to herself that she could stick to a snack plan in the evening, which gave her confidence and proved to her that she wasn’t helpless or hopeless. In time, Amy cut down her nighttime snacks to one per night, not because she was forcing herself to stop but because she had built confidence and now identified as someone who was in control in the evenings.
Another client of mine, Ryan, wanted to work on the goal of getting to bed earlier. Instead of focusing on what he shouldn’t do (stay up too late watching TV), we set the goal of watching three shows in the evening and then getting in bed and reading for 30 minutes. Once he built consistency with these goals, he was able to see how much better he felt when he got to bed earlier.In time he cut his TV time down to one to two shows plus reading – and he developed the identity of someone who reads every night to help him wind down before bed.
If you have wellness goals you hope to achieve, consider making this shift from an avoidance to an approach orientation. Think about what you can add to your life, not what you’re trying to subtract. By shifting from avoidance goals to approach-oriented goals, you can build sustainable habits and dramatically improve your chances of long-term success.
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