My client, Jennie, has been having a hard time when it comes to not overdoing dessert lately. She’s had a lot of stressors, ranging from getting her house ready to sell to supporting her son who is going through a difficult time and caring for her sister who is experiencing health problems. In session, Jennie shared that she keeps having thoughts that start with the phrase “I deserve…”
On one occasion she thought, “I deserve something extra because of all the work I put into the house today.” Another time, she thought, “I deserve a treat because of how much time I spent caring for my sister.” She offered several other examples of this type of thinking.
This is a classic emotional eating thought: justifying extra food to make up for how difficult certain periods of our lives are. I reminded Jennie that if she feels like she’s given so much of herself to others in a day, she absolutely does deserve a treat and she absolutely does deserve to give back to herself. But when she uses extra dessert to satisfy that urge, it sabotages her other health and wellness goals.
Jennie and I discussed that simply trying to dismiss the “I deserve a treat” thought won’t work because she does have a legitimate need for a treat. If she doesn’t satisfy that urge in other ways, she will continue to crave extra dessert. In session we made a list of other things she could do to treat herself, such as taking a bath, going for a walk on the beach, doing a puzzle, getting a new book, or watching a guilty pleasure show. But, very importantly, Jennie can’t just have a list of other potential treats – she has to actually feel entitled to do them. She has to feel entitled to take time for herself. It’s not enough just to have options, she has to take advantage of them.
Like most humans, Jennie has an internal “treat tank” (e.g., a need for treats each day) and that tank needs gas. Right now, Jennie has been so busy that not only has she not filled her treat tank in ways that don’t involve food, but her tank is continuously being drained because of her extra stressors. Jennie and I agreed that once she started deliberately putting gas in that tank in ways that don’t involve extra dessert, getting back on track to meet her health goals will feel much easier!