Why is it so difficult for us to achieve our health goals? One reason is that our brains get it wrong. We frequently have a fantasy/reality disconnect when it comes to controlling our eating. What we think will make us feel good, what our brains try to convince us will be fun, actually often isn’t. The opposite is also true– what we think won’t make us feel good and what we think won’t be fun often leave us feeling the most satisfied and empowered.
Whenever my client, Rachel, had to go into CVS to pick up a prescription, she was in the habit of buying a bag of Reese’s cups and eating all of it. Why was Rachel doing this? Because her brain had convinced her that buying a bag of Reese’s and eating the whole thing would be great. It would taste so good and would be so enjoyable. Her brain also believed that not allowing herself to do so would mean denying herself something she really wanted, which wouldn’t feel good.
When Rachel and I took the time to pause and pay attention to how eating a whole bag of Reese’s actually made her feel, the picture was not nearly as rosy. She realized that she felt physically sick and psychologically defeated.
There was a time recently when Rachel was in CVS, saw the Reese’s, and was able to overcome her usual habit and not buy them. We discussed what evidence she gathered from this situation and the reality was that she felt great. She felt in control and proud of herself. Over time, Rachel found it easier and easier to not buy and eat a whole bag of Reese’s at CVS because she’d built up an enormous amount of evidence that doing so made her feel terrible and that not doing so did the opposite. Eventually, her brain stopped buying into the fantasy it had created and started paying attention to reality.
Another example of how our brains get it wrong can be seen with my client, Paul. Paul was very resistant to planning dinner in advance. His brain believed that having to do so would restrict him and wouldn’t feel good. His brain also believed that not having to plan dinner in advance and getting to eat whatever he most felt like in that moment would feel great. The problem was that not having a dinner plan was sabotaging Paul. By dinner time, he was hungry and tired from the day’s work, and he and his partner would squabble about what to have for dinner. More times than not, Paul would end up overeating and regretting doing so. I convinced Paul to try planning dinner in advance for one week and compare what actually happened to what his brain had predicted would occur.
No surprise, Paul found that planning dinner in advance actually made him feel good. He never planned to eat something he didn’t like, and when he got to dinner time, having a plan helped keep things peaceful between his partner and him. Paul was able to stay in control and feel good about his eating choices.
With this evidence, Paul was able to see that the fantasy of not planning dinner in advance didn’t hold up to reality. Instead of giving him freedom, not making a dinner plan caused friction with his partner, as well as leading him to overeat, which he then regretted. Paul also realized that his idea that planning dinner would restrict him from eating what he wanted wasn’t accurate. The reality was that he felt so much better when he planned dinner in advance.
Just like Rachel and Paul, if you struggle with eating, chances are that your brain probably believes some (if not many!) things about food and eating that aren’t actually true. The way to combat this problem is to start gathering evidence. Start paying attention to how things actually make you feel, and not just how your brain believes they will make you feel. Over time, when you accumulate enough evidence, it becomes easier to do the things that make you feel good and overcome the urge to do the things that leave you feeling bad!