Deborah Beck Busis, LCSW, Director, Cognitive Behavioral Wellness Coaching Program

Eating healthier and losing weight can be challenging for anyone, but many men face a unique set of obstacles that can go unrecognized. Cultural messages about masculinity and the tendency to rely on food or alcohol to manage stress can make it difficult for men to build and maintain healthy habits. Many men also face psychological challenges, such as struggling with all-or-nothing thinking and losing motivation when results aren’t as fast as they’d like. We have found that CBT techniques enormously benefit our male clients by teaching skills like flexible thinking, problem-solving, and self-monitoring. Cognitive Behavioral Coaching helps men build consistency, stay motivated (even when results are slow), and conceptualize weight loss as creating a sustainable lifestyle change as opposed to a short-term project.

Why Weight Loss Can Be Challenging for Men

smiling man cooking

Cultural and Gender Expectations

While hopefully this is changing for the younger generations, many men these days have grown up hearing subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) messages about what it means to be “a real man.” They’re told to be strong and independent, and to avoid showing vulnerability or asking for help. Because of this, working on managing their eating, talking about body image, or seeking out help can feel like something they aren’t supposed to do.  They have thoughts like, “I should be able to handle this on my own.”

CBT teaches men to identify and change unhelpful beliefs. It helps them replace “I shouldn’t need help with this” to something like “Everyone benefits from help and support with whatever they find challenging.”

We have also found that our male clients will sometimes deliberately put themselves in precarious positions, like purposely going down the cookie aisle at the supermarket to prove to themselves that they can “handle it,” or keeping certain foods in the house that have triggered them in the past because they “should be stronger than that.” CBT helps them realize that perusing the cookie aisle or keeping certain foods at home will likely sabotage them. We help our male clients see that it’s actually a strength to recognize these potential pitfalls in advance and take steps to protect themselves.

The “Performance” Mindset

Many men are used to measuring success in terms of tangible results — weight lifted, time on the treadmill, number on the scale. While this can be motivating, it can also backfire if results don’t come as quickly as they expect. Building their internal mental muscle and creating long lasting habit change takes time (and sometimes progress isn’t apparent), which can cause our male clients to have discouraging thoughts like, “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?” or “This isn’t working.”

CBT helps our male clients to develop process-focused thinking rather than outcome-focused thinking. Instead of only evaluating success by the number on the scale, they learn to measure it by the actions they can control, like tracking food, planning and executing workouts, or managing stress without turning to food.

Emotional Coping and Stress Eating

While women are generally more likely to discuss emotional eating openly (and the problems that have triggered the urge), men often cope with stress, boredom, or frustration through food or alcohol, without necessarily recognizing that emotions are part of the picture. After a long or stressful day, a big meal or a few drinks easily become a habitual “reward.”

CBT helps our male clients gain awareness of the sequence of “trigger, sabotaging thought(s), behavior” that precedes any emotional eating experience. It helps them learn to identify what triggers their urges to eat, what thoughts they have once they are triggered, and how they can learn to respond to them differently so that they have a different outcome. We help them begin to experiment with alternative coping strategies, like taking a short walk, doing a quick breathing exercise or meditation, or listening to music.

In this way, they reframe the underlying thought “I deserve to relax with food” into “I deserve to relax in a way that actually helps me feel better long-term and doesn’t sabotage my health goals.”

CBT Strategies That Work Especially Well for Men

  • Tracking food intake, exercise, sleep, and mood helps men see cause-and-effect relationships clearly — like noticing that late-night snacking follows stressful workdays or just how many calories were in their big steak dinner.
  • Learning to spot unhelpful thoughts (“I’ll never stick with this,”) and replace them with more balanced ones (“I’ve made other changes before, or “Progress takes time, not perfection”) helps build persistence and confidence.
  • CBT teaches men to act first instead of waiting for motivation to hit. We work with them on scheduling specific actions, no matter how big or small, like taking a 20-minute walk or prepping tomorrow’s lunch, and have them pay attention to how they feel when they finish the action. This helps them recognize that no matter how they feel before they start, they tend to feel good when they follow  through, which builds momentum and boosts mood.
  • When weight loss connects to something personally meaningful, like being a healthy role model for their kids, excelling at work, or feeling more energetic with a partner, it stops being a superficial project and becomes a purpose-driven pursuit. For both men and women, weight loss isn’t just about willpower; it’s about learning new ways to think, cope, and plan. CBT helps them recognize the thought patterns that get in the way, develop flexible problem-solving skills, and ground their goals in personal values.

Ultimately, CBT empowers men to approach weight loss in a completely different way from what they may be used to. It provides practical tools that can help men build lasting health habits that strengthen both body and mind.