My client, Julia, was having a hard time managing her eating when she dined out with friends. Despite her best efforts, the thought “I just want to have fun and not worry about it,” often sabotaged the good habits she’d worked so hard to develop.
Julia and I discussed how (for better or worse), there’s simply no such thing as “not worrying about it” when it comes to our personal health journeys. Julia would either “worry about it” at the start of her evening and put in the effort to make a plan and stick to it, or she’d inevitably find herself worrying about it after dinner was over, when she’d likely feel overly full and regretful.
Julia was able to see that taking the time to consider her wellness plan in advance would bring nothing but positive consequences. She would feel good about her choices, stay in control, experience no guilt or regret at the end of the evening, and continue to make progress toward her health goals. By contrast, deciding not to be mindful of those goals in the moment would bring negative consequences, leaving her feeling guilty and further behind on her plan.
We next talked about the idea that Julia “just wanted to have fun.” Julia is a self-proclaimed “all-or-nothing thinker,” so it makes sense that her brain would try to convince her that making a plan and sticking to it would be enough to take all the fun out of her night. In the past, there might even have been some truth to this thought. Previously, when Julia did make plans, she made “ideal plans,” that is, plans that would be as healthy as possible and would maximize potential weight loss, but were ultimately too restrictive for her (or anyone) to reasonably achieve. We had to remind Julia’s brain that it’s not “all-or-nothing.” She doesn’t have to choose between making a plan that leaves no room for fun or eating and drinking everything she wants with no restrictions at all. Neither extreme is sustainable in the long run and both ultimately land her in a place that’s unpleasant psychologically and physically.
As a way of keeping herself on track, Julia made Response Cards to remind her both why it’s worth it to stay mindful of her health goals before going out, as well as how making an eating plan in advance would actually add to her fun, not detract from it – provided that plan was realistic instead of “ideal”
Together, we worked on building a “dining out protocol” that Julia could use every time she ate out. First, she would read her “Advantages List,” reminding herself exactly why it was worth it to use this protocol. Next, she would look at the restaurant’s menu in advance and make a realistic plan for what she’d eat, rather than trying to make an in-the-moment decision. Lastly, she would read her Response Cards before she left to remind her exactly why it was worth it to stick to the plan.
With a little effort and planning on Julia’s part, she’d teach herself to set healthy guidelines that gave her the flexibility to have fun without risking decisions she’d regret later. If you find yourself in a similar situation where “all-or-nothing” thinking keeps you from making a realistic plan (or making any plan at all), consider creating a dining out protocol for yourself. You might be surprised at how a few reasonable rules can give you the freedom to enjoy an evening out.