Over the course of our work together these past few months, my client, Jason, has slowly been realizing that he’s not running his life in a way that really works for him. Jason is a committed people-pleaser and has, in many areas of his life, set up systems that work against him, not for him. For example, Jason has a local food-service organization cook many meals for his family because both he and his partner have incredibly busy jobs and little, if any, time to cook. The problem is that this service doesn’t really work for Jason. He doesn’t love the food, and they also won’t provide him with the nutrition information per meal, so there’s no way to track what he’s actually eating. Jason previously told me that he felt bad stopping the service, even though it wasn’t right for him.
We’ve seen this in other areas of Jason’s life, too. He runs his own company and has recently grasped that he was running his business inefficiently. This is because he was unwilling to put himself in a position to give his employees constructive criticism. At home, he rarely finds the time to exercise because he feels that when he does so, he’s “stealing time” from his family and has not ever allowed himself to prioritize his own needs above anyone else’s, especially his partner or kids.
Jason had an epiphany recently. He said to me, “I need to fire the manager who is currently in charge and hire a new one. This one just isn’t doing a good job.” By firing his old manager, he means himself, and putting a new version of himself in charge. We discussed some of the things the new manager would do. The new manager is going to be more forthcoming at work. The new manager is going to stop the meal delivery service and find a new one. The new manager is going to understand implicitly that his needs matter, and that if he doesn’t start prioritizing them, he’s going to wind up in a very bad position. The new manager is not going to feel guilty about taking a little time away from his family to exercise because the new manger knows that when he does so, he’s his happiest and healthiest self, and therefore an even better partner and father.
It may be helpful for you to look at your life this way, too. Is the current manager running the company efficiently? Or do you need to fire your current manager and hire a new one as well?